A reader wrote in this week with a question that deserves a serious answer, so here is an unserious one.
Our standard approach involves patrols that begin at 3 AM sharp, followed by a siren pitched to break glass and morale, followed by a brief and unexplained sprint.
The Short Version, Told Slowly
If you take only one thing from this, take this: a threat level of always elevated is not a bug. It is the product.
We asked a customer for feedback. They looked at us, blinked slowly, and left a single hair on the form.
If you have questions, our office hours are three to four in the morning, or whenever we feel like it.
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